TONED ❌
TANNED ❌
FIT ❌
READY ❌
 
turn it up cause you're
 
GETTING HEAVY ✅
 
So another Summer has come and gone and you're still not the boss bitch you aspire to be. Thats okay, theres always New Years where you can evolve into the "New You". But lets be real, you wont. But you know what you can do? Flex on all the haters in your life with my brand new "Summers Over" postcard and sticker package. 
 
Make your friends and family envious of your tropical Summer vacation with a handwritten card and sticker from yours truly. They'll think you hung out with me in the Bahamas when in reality, you ate chips on your couch all Summer with the A/C on. I can include any details you would like, should I lie and say you can't make it to work this Monday because an athelete at the Paris Olympics gave you herpies? Easy. Want me to roast your sister's ugly baby? Not a problem. Want me to end things with your mistress? Light work.
 
Did you notice how calm and relaxed I look on my beach chair by the way? That's deliberate, very mindful, very demure. The sticker of me screaming? Not very mindful, not very demure.
 
Are you voting for Kamala Harris? Sick, get a postcard. 
Are you voting for Trump? Sick, get a postcard.  
Are you announcing your pregnancy? Sick, get a postcard. 
Are you cremating your grandfather? Sick, get a postcard. 
Are you into anime conventions and watching hentai? Sick, get a girlfriend. Dweeb.
 
Whatever the occassion may be, spread joy this Summer by purchasing my postcard and sticker, cause lets be honest, I look fucking fantastic, oh and its free shipping.